There’s some exciting news on the Porcupine front. For starters, Mr. P got a new job (wahoo!). It's a better position for his long-term goals, IN the city (he was working in a different borough), and much better hours/he'll actually get national holidays off.
One of the most interesting comments I think he got when he put in his resignation was, “are you sure you want to do this now? You’re about to get married.”
It got me thinking what some people think “married” means. Does it mean staying in a stable job and turning down other opportunities for the sake of a guaranteed paycheck? Is it really still the norm for a man to stay at a job for the sole purpose of “providing for his family?” When you take a step back from that whole “about to get married thing,” Mr. P and I are only 26 years old. We have no children. We have no mortgage. We have no real debt except for my college loans. Even though I sometimes have no idea how I got to my mid-20s, we’re for the most part still at the beginning of our careers. If you’ve already “made it” at 26 (Mark Zuckerberg, *grumble, grumble*), that’s pretty awesome, but like most we’re still climbing the ladder and figuring it out. So, if we don’t take chances now, when will we?
I would never tell Mr. P to stay at a job just for the paycheck. As I mentioned before, Mr. P was the bread winner for awhile (but not always), so yes, it’s a little bit scary- that vast unknown of a new job, but in the long run it’s for the better. I’ve definitely learned in life that there are no guarantees. No job, no paycheck, no sum of money in the bank is promised to you tomorrow. If money is what makes you, it will certainly break you. And, if you don't take chances, you'll always be in a state of "buhhhh."
Mr. P still has many goals he wants to accomplish. For one, he wanted to get into the industry his new job is in. So, yes he’ll be back at bottom of the totem pole, but how else would he break into a new industry? At some point he will be going back for his MBA, so that will change-up things yet again. There probably will not be a set constant for the next 5 or so years of our life except for the fact that we’ll be husband and wife.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole getting engaged and married period of life is that the illusion that married people are “settled” is completely old school. Maybe if we got married at 35 or 40, we would have it more figured out, but the cards didn’t pan out that way. It’ll be nice to know that as we both figure out this weird world, we’ll have each other. And, I think that’s the point.
Did you or your significant other go through a job change right before getting married?
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Roleeeee Out
Choosing to live together before marriage or waiting until after you're married is a personal decision. I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a friend’s acquaintance after a few months of living with Mr. P. My friend explained that I lived nearby (we were out at a nearby bar) with my boyfriend, and this acquaintance, who had just met me mind you, immediately responded, “Oh, I’m so glad I waited to move in with my husband. It takes all the fun away from marriage if you live with someone first.” I just stared at her blankly. My first reaction was to say, “Who the BLEEP asked you?” I relented.
It may not be the "traditional" route, but one of the benefits of living with someone before marriage is ironing out each person’s role. Mr. P and I have pretty traditional roles in our home. Since we’ve lived together for over 3 years we’ve had some time to master who does what. I'm glad we have this all ironed out pre-marriage. Things have shifted over time due to changes in work and life, but for the most part I do a lot more work around the house and Mr. P does a lot more work out of the home.
As of right now I do about 95% of the housework and cooking. It wasn’t always this way, but right now I’m pretty 9 to 5 and Mr. P. works all the time. For instance, yesterday he left for work at 7 AM and didn’t get home until about 9 PM. He’s also the bread winner right now, and provides a lot more financially. I don’t mind making up for my monetary deficiency with some more work around the house, because for the most part I don’t mind doing household stuff. I like to cook, although I do occasionally get into my “I HATE cooking, why are there so many pots to clean now?” moods. I have also found that I clean-up more efficiently then Mr. P, and it provides for fewer rampages if I just clean what I can and tell him what’s leftover to do. I really don’t think Mr. P sees dirty things or clutter. Somehow in my “old age” I’ve turned into Monica from Friends.
Yes, there are times I wish I could plop down on the couch, watch TV, and not have to cook or clean. (And, sometimes take-out and clutter prevail.) Most of the time Mr. P just has to come home, warm-up his dinner, take out the trash for the night, and put away the dishes on the dry-rack. Although he's working later at his job than I am, I usually don’t sit down until 8 PM. I get home at around 6 PM, tidy up our mess from rushing around in the morning, make Mr. P and me lunch for the next day, prep dinner, cook, clean up the mess from cooking, and then clean or vacuum something. Yes, like I said I’m legit turning into Monica….
Mr. P is always super appreciative. And, we’ve established which tasks are his and which are mine. I tend to avoid the gross-out chores. He always takes out the trash, the recyclables, cleans the toilet, etc. Every now and then Mr. P will do the dishes or make one of his dishes like garlic sautéed string beans or a pot of meatballs. Right now he doesn’t have a lot of time for all that, but it wasn’t always this way.
We’ve already gone through three different stages of work/life balance. There was our first few months living together where Mr. P and I had a pretty similar schedule. We’d take the train to and from work together, and cook/clean together. We were probably together TOO MUCH during that time. Then there were the months of Mr. P’s unemployment when he was home A LOT more and was the house-boyfriend (note to all, guys do not deal with unemployment well- I’m pretty sure he went insane). There was also the period of my unemployment when I think I did less chores than I do now (I swear unemployment makes you not give an ish about anything but getting a job). And, then there was the time Mr. P would often get stuck on the night shift leaving him more time to do things around the apartment in the daytime. It’s been a constant switch and change-up.
What is my point in all this? Not sure, but living together pre-marriage doesn’t work for everyone whether it's personal, religious, or logistical reasons. But, in our case it's what worked and made the most sense. I’m glad we can start our first year of marriage without having to figure out all the little things. It might take away “the fun” of everything as that chick said years ago, but last time I checked marriage wasn’t a game that is fun vs. not fun. And figuring out that junk isn't exactly "fun."
Did you decide to live with your significant other before marriage? Do you have a "traditional role" in your relationship?
It may not be the "traditional" route, but one of the benefits of living with someone before marriage is ironing out each person’s role. Mr. P and I have pretty traditional roles in our home. Since we’ve lived together for over 3 years we’ve had some time to master who does what. I'm glad we have this all ironed out pre-marriage. Things have shifted over time due to changes in work and life, but for the most part I do a lot more work around the house and Mr. P does a lot more work out of the home.
As of right now I do about 95% of the housework and cooking. It wasn’t always this way, but right now I’m pretty 9 to 5 and Mr. P. works all the time. For instance, yesterday he left for work at 7 AM and didn’t get home until about 9 PM. He’s also the bread winner right now, and provides a lot more financially. I don’t mind making up for my monetary deficiency with some more work around the house, because for the most part I don’t mind doing household stuff. I like to cook, although I do occasionally get into my “I HATE cooking, why are there so many pots to clean now?” moods. I have also found that I clean-up more efficiently then Mr. P, and it provides for fewer rampages if I just clean what I can and tell him what’s leftover to do. I really don’t think Mr. P sees dirty things or clutter. Somehow in my “old age” I’ve turned into Monica from Friends.
Yes, there are times I wish I could plop down on the couch, watch TV, and not have to cook or clean. (And, sometimes take-out and clutter prevail.) Most of the time Mr. P just has to come home, warm-up his dinner, take out the trash for the night, and put away the dishes on the dry-rack. Although he's working later at his job than I am, I usually don’t sit down until 8 PM. I get home at around 6 PM, tidy up our mess from rushing around in the morning, make Mr. P and me lunch for the next day, prep dinner, cook, clean up the mess from cooking, and then clean or vacuum something. Yes, like I said I’m legit turning into Monica….
Mr. P is always super appreciative. And, we’ve established which tasks are his and which are mine. I tend to avoid the gross-out chores. He always takes out the trash, the recyclables, cleans the toilet, etc. Every now and then Mr. P will do the dishes or make one of his dishes like garlic sautéed string beans or a pot of meatballs. Right now he doesn’t have a lot of time for all that, but it wasn’t always this way.
We’ve already gone through three different stages of work/life balance. There was our first few months living together where Mr. P and I had a pretty similar schedule. We’d take the train to and from work together, and cook/clean together. We were probably together TOO MUCH during that time. Then there were the months of Mr. P’s unemployment when he was home A LOT more and was the house-boyfriend (note to all, guys do not deal with unemployment well- I’m pretty sure he went insane). There was also the period of my unemployment when I think I did less chores than I do now (I swear unemployment makes you not give an ish about anything but getting a job). And, then there was the time Mr. P would often get stuck on the night shift leaving him more time to do things around the apartment in the daytime. It’s been a constant switch and change-up.
What is my point in all this? Not sure, but living together pre-marriage doesn’t work for everyone whether it's personal, religious, or logistical reasons. But, in our case it's what worked and made the most sense. I’m glad we can start our first year of marriage without having to figure out all the little things. It might take away “the fun” of everything as that chick said years ago, but last time I checked marriage wasn’t a game that is fun vs. not fun. And figuring out that junk isn't exactly "fun."
Did you decide to live with your significant other before marriage? Do you have a "traditional role" in your relationship?
Monday, November 28, 2011
Hi, my name is, what? my name is, who?
When it came to deciding if I should change my name, I pretty much didn't think about it. I always planned on changing my name. I'm not sure why- mostly I think it's because I can be pretty old-fashioned sometimes. There is a side of me that would love to be a little Suzy Homemaker stay-at-home mom raising the kids and taking care of the home.
I know a lot of people get emotional about losing their last name, but I've never had some crazy attachment to it. Yes, it's my "family's name," but I don't see changing your name as changing who your family is. Plus, most of my immediate family has a different last name so it never struck me as something HUGELY important. My first name is pretty original, so I've always identified more with that. Like Madonna or something (without the fame, fortune, and talent).
Also, my last name is really weird. I can assure you, you would pronounce it wrong upon first glance. There are far too many vowels in a row in it. It has forever driven me insane that people say it wrong, ALL THE TIME. I've even heard variations of it that sound a lot like an excrement from your body. I could correct teachers and professors 90 times and they STILL couldn't pronounce it. It's been fun times.
My married last name is pretty common. It's not quite as common as let's say "Smith," but it's a complete polar opposite from what I'm coming from. And even though I have a unique first name, my first name + married name is a much more common combination. When I google myself now (what, doesn't everyone do that?) I only get 229 results. Most of those results are actually pulling things about me, or pulling one of the members of my family since my last name is so unique. When I google my married name I jump up to 5,670 results. I will be a lot less Googleable (which I like, I guess).
One day I was discussing this name changing issue with a friend. I realized that I will be the most upset over parting with my e-mail address. Is that odd? You see my e-mail address is simply MYFULLNAME@EMAIL.COM. Since my name is so unique it was easy to secure the e-mail address without any added numbers, periods, or middle initial. I quickly checked my current e-mail provider to see if my married name would be available as an e-mail and it wasn't (unless I add some numbers, periods, etc). Cue irrational annoyance. After checking a few more e-mail providers it turns out that only gmail had my married name available. So, what's does a psycho like me do? Sign up for it just to hold it- obviously! Well, turns out I forgot I was signed into my i-google page at my current non-gmail account so as soon as Google saw I was making the switch they took over. Now, whenever I log-in to my i-Google page it automatically refreshes me under MYMARRIEDNAME@GMAIL.COM. This was over a year and a half ago. (Ha, oops). Not to mention gmail recommended me as a contact to one of my friends. Good thing she understands my oddball tendencies.
Thanks to putting my future e-mail address "on hold" over a year ago, I've had plenty of time to get used to seeing my new name. However, I'm pretty sure it will be Weird City when I make the official switch. I think the weirdest part though will be when people say Mrs. MARRIEDNAME to me. I get the weirds enough when people call me m'am (M'AM REALLY? I'M NOT EVEN 30 YET!) In my head that is still my future MIL's name and not my own. It will be an adjustment.
Was the decision to change your name an easy choice for you? Anyone else do something crazy like reserve an e-mail address before even changing their name?
I know a lot of people get emotional about losing their last name, but I've never had some crazy attachment to it. Yes, it's my "family's name," but I don't see changing your name as changing who your family is. Plus, most of my immediate family has a different last name so it never struck me as something HUGELY important. My first name is pretty original, so I've always identified more with that. Like Madonna or something (without the fame, fortune, and talent).
Also, my last name is really weird. I can assure you, you would pronounce it wrong upon first glance. There are far too many vowels in a row in it. It has forever driven me insane that people say it wrong, ALL THE TIME. I've even heard variations of it that sound a lot like an excrement from your body. I could correct teachers and professors 90 times and they STILL couldn't pronounce it. It's been fun times.
My married last name is pretty common. It's not quite as common as let's say "Smith," but it's a complete polar opposite from what I'm coming from. And even though I have a unique first name, my first name + married name is a much more common combination. When I google myself now (what, doesn't everyone do that?) I only get 229 results. Most of those results are actually pulling things about me, or pulling one of the members of my family since my last name is so unique. When I google my married name I jump up to 5,670 results. I will be a lot less Googleable (which I like, I guess).
One day I was discussing this name changing issue with a friend. I realized that I will be the most upset over parting with my e-mail address. Is that odd? You see my e-mail address is simply MYFULLNAME@EMAIL.COM. Since my name is so unique it was easy to secure the e-mail address without any added numbers, periods, or middle initial. I quickly checked my current e-mail provider to see if my married name would be available as an e-mail and it wasn't (unless I add some numbers, periods, etc). Cue irrational annoyance. After checking a few more e-mail providers it turns out that only gmail had my married name available. So, what's does a psycho like me do? Sign up for it just to hold it- obviously! Well, turns out I forgot I was signed into my i-google page at my current non-gmail account so as soon as Google saw I was making the switch they took over. Now, whenever I log-in to my i-Google page it automatically refreshes me under MYMARRIEDNAME@GMAIL.COM. This was over a year and a half ago. (Ha, oops). Not to mention gmail recommended me as a contact to one of my friends. Good thing she understands my oddball tendencies.
Thanks to putting my future e-mail address "on hold" over a year ago, I've had plenty of time to get used to seeing my new name. However, I'm pretty sure it will be Weird City when I make the official switch. I think the weirdest part though will be when people say Mrs. MARRIEDNAME to me. I get the weirds enough when people call me m'am (M'AM REALLY? I'M NOT EVEN 30 YET!) In my head that is still my future MIL's name and not my own. It will be an adjustment.
Was the decision to change your name an easy choice for you? Anyone else do something crazy like reserve an e-mail address before even changing their name?
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