It's not a wedding without some DRAMZ

People change and it sucks.

My philosophy on this has been to say, oh well, que sera. But, things get fishy when the person who is changing is someone you asked to be a bridesmaid.

She doesn’t know about this blog, but even if she did there’s absolutely nothing I could say here that she doesn’t already know or I haven’t already said to her. Hence my reasoning for writing about this out in the open instead of anonymously. I’m a pretty open person, and I’m sure there are a few of you battling a similar issue. So, no, I’m not trying to hang out my dirty laundry to dry, but I have no problem getting REAL.

When I asked this friend to be a bridesmaid, what feels like a century ago, I had no reason to think that things would change so drastically. I’ve known this particular bridesmaid- let’s call her “Mia” (for M.I.A. that is)- since high school. We stayed close through college and post-college, but somewhere between my engagement and hers things shifted.

Shortly before I got engaged Mia moved in with a new boyfriend and promptly disappeared off the planet. Yes, she was a busy person with work, a new relationship, and grad school, but I noticed a drastic change. There were no more dinner meet-ups or movie dates. Plans were broken more and more frequently, and phone calls dwindled. Yes, I’m guilty too. In her pull-back I’m sure I got annoyed and stopped extending invites. Then she got engaged, and although I was happy for her I soon learned that her wedding was going to happen the same day as my college suitemate’s (which I had already marked off on my calendar for quite some time). Even tougher she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Whose wedding was more important to me?

Without getting into too much personal detail, after not being included whatsoever in any wedding stuff (therefore I didn’t even feel like a bridesmaid), I will abbreviate what happened next by calling it “the shiz.” The shiz hit the fan, and I had a total change of heart. I no longer could completely justify missing my college suitemate’s wedding for Mia’s after the shiz went down. I was conflicted on where I wanted to be that day, and I still had a few months to go before the invites would go out. A combination of being pissed off, upset, confused, annoyed, etc. made me write a long email detailing how I felt after months of thought (literally, months). I express myself better in words than speech. I followed up with a phone call, and then more shiz hit the fan that delayed the conversation from happening. Mia then claimed she never received said-email, and I was forced to explain everything over the phone. I was nice, and my point was simply, “At this moment in time I can’t say whose wedding I need to attend, so I don’t think it’s right for me to commit to being a bridesmaid. I’m really sorry if you’re hurt, but obviously a lot has changed lately. If you don’t feel comfortable being a bridesmaid in my wedding, let me know, I understand.”

We have played text and phone-tag since. It’s been a month now without a word, and well, my wedding is something like 2 months away. I need an answer one way or the other. I really need her to pick up the phone when I call or respond to a text. Yes, she’s probably mad at this point. But, I’m mad too. So, who is rightfully mad? There’s no black or white answer.

I know it’s hard to gage a story when you leave out a huge block of information, but regardless “the shiz” that went down is irrelevant to the big picture. It involved years of build-up and back-story that are unrelated to the issue at hand, which is, where does one go from here when they have a bridesmaid in limbo? Do I chalk it up to her bowing out, and if she shows, she shows?

Has anyone else had a convoluted bridesmaid drama situation?

A Weighty Issue Part 2: The Results

When I left off, I mentioned it took me a year to get into the whole weight loss idea.

At my current job I joined the gym in the basement, using the treadmill and elliptical for 45 minutes to an hour for four or five times a week. I started eating smaller portions and better food. I started cooking with a lot less fat and a lot more low-fat ingredients. I also stopped a lot of the mindless snacking I did. It took me a year to shed 20 pounds. Since I’m short it was significant enough.

What I can recommend, which has worked for me (keep in mind I have NO dietary knowledge. This is just that works for my metabolism):

• Stop drinking soda. Even diet soda. I was a HUGE Coca Cola freak before I cut it out back in high school. Within a week you will feel SO different. Within a month you will completely lose your taste for it. 
• Eat more whole grain/wheat products and less white flour foods. It took me awhile, but I now like whole-grain pasta and breads (an occasional bagel in moderation is necessary though).
• Cut your portions down. Check out a guide to portions here at WebMD. Not going to lie, it SUCKS sometimes, but slowly but surely what it takes to get you feeling full will shrink down.
• Exercise. I hate exercising, but I’ve learned that I am not the type of person who can get away with not doing any. I’m down to 30 minutes three or four times a week on the elliptical or treadmill. When I first started exercising I only saw significant weight loss when I did 45 minutes to an hour at least four times a week. I also lift five pound weights three to four times a week while watching TV. How everyone’s body reacts though is different.
• Cut down your use of full fat products. I hate fat free cheese/sour cream/butter/etc., but I see little to no taste difference in reduced fat versions.
• Eat small, lighter meals throughout the day instead of three big heavy ones.
• Don’t base your happiness on the scale. It’s how you feel in your clothing and in every day life that matters. If your pants are falling down, but the scale won’t budge- throw the scale out the window!

I still hold true to many of those tips, but sometimes my daily eating gets off course and my desire to work out weans away. Winter makes me want to do things like eat giant bowls of chili and baked potatoes smothered in cheese while wearing oversized sweaters on my couch.

I don't expect to lose more than the five pounds I've recently put on before the wedding, but I'd like to eat better and exercise more just for the sake of feeling better. Exercising and eating better/lighter just makes me feel more awake and energized. My biggest goal is to tone up my arms before the wedding. I also need to stop the mindless snacking I've been doing at night, the weekend Wendy's runs, and full fat beer drinking (Blue Moon being my new go-to).

What are your tips for getting into shape? Anyone have good arm toning workouts? Getting my arms toned has always been a tough battle for me.

Just Dance... the first songs

When it came to deciding on our first dance song, I immediately knew what song I wanted. So, nope, this was not a joint effort and there was no way I was going to budge on this.

When we first started dating, whenever I heard “Look After You” by the Fray, it immediately made me think of Mr. Porcupine. I guess when you’re first dating every song makes you think of the person, but I REALLY loved this song. I still do, and it’s one of those songs I can play over and over again on my Ipod without killing it.

I'm not usually a sappy person, but my favorite part is:

“When I’m losing my control,
the city spins around,
you’re the only one who knows,
you slow it down”

This line really resonates with me about our relationship. I’m notoriously a psycho and running a mile a minute. I easily stress out, lose my mind, and have the urge to curse out MTA employees and other annoying individuals that populate this city. When Mr. P came around I found in him someone to level me out (even though I am still pretty much a psycho). Mr. P’s approach to life is “eh, whatevz.” So when you mix that in with my approach to life of, “WHAT THE HELL? I WILL KILL YOU!” you get something a little saner. I’ve honestly mellowed out as much as it’s possible for me to mellow out. Sorry, I will never be entirely normal…

When Mr. P heard the song he agreed that it was nice. But, he couldn’t help throwing out “Hey There Delilah.” Mr. P loves this ding-dong song. This song depresses the HELL OUT of me. It was popular during the small amount of time Mr. P and I were “long distance.” There’s something about the damn song that makes something in my brain snap and want to burst into tears. It gained popularity right when I graduated college, returned home and Mr. P returned to PA for his summer break. (He had a year of college to go after that.) The beginning of the song is pretty much the only reason it corresponds to our life at that time.

"Hey there Delilah (except well I’m not HER)
what’s it like in New York City?
I’m a thousand miles away,
but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do,
Times Square can’t shine as bright as you, I swear it’s true"

I vetoed it immediately. I was not having my first dance to a song about a girl named Delilah that makes me want to curl up in a corner and die. Mr. P was upset for maybe 9 seconds, and moved on. The Fray it was- which by the way we now ALWAYS hear playing at the Supermarket. A sign? Or maybe it’s to lull the rage of our deli counter people (they seriously have the psychosis worse than I do).

Then, when trying to touch on the subject of our quartet music I realized I have no idea what in the hell I want them to play for anything. I have zero classical music knowledge and something like no desire whatsoever to figure out what to play. For the procession, the only thing I definitely know, is that I don't want “Here Comes the Bride.”  For the bridesmaids walking down the aisle I like the traditional Pachelbel Canon in D, but what about when I come down the aisle? DING DING. Best idea ever. I googled my idea and yes it exists!

Hey There Delilah without the words! I actually like it better when a quartet plays it. I e-mailed our string quartet about the Vitamin String Quartet’s rendition of Hey there Delilah, and they said they’d said they could get it (I guess the sheet music?) and play it without a problem.

I was going to surprise Mr. Porcupine, but since he is a huge crier I decided it might be better if I forewarned him. So even though yes, he will still bawl like a baby through our entire ceremony, at least he won’t get a crying curveball thrown at him and fall over on our Rabbi. I can say this because Mr. P is too busy to read my blog posts (haha!). It’s fine, he owns up to it…

Was your first dance song a compromise?

I Kid! I Kid!

Image via Video Gum

Remember that dog?

But I digress. This post is not about Triumph the Insult Comic dog or lines from Eminem’s raps. It is about legit kids.

When it came to deciding if we wanted a kid-free or kid-attended wedding it was a no-brainer for us. It was a definite yes to kids. There were only three kids that would need to be invited when we made the guest list. But, most of all, Mr. Porcupine and I LOVE kids. We can’t wait to have our own one day, one day in the FUTURE, thanks. Until then I like to encourage other people around me to have babies so that I can babysit, and also so that I can have them looking cute at my wedding (although with only 7 months to go now, I guess that wouldn’t work out).

I am so glad that Mr. Porcupine's side of the family has little kids, because my family hasn’t had little ones running around in a long time. Mr. Porcupine's two little cousins will be our flower girls, and his male little cousin will be the ring bearer.

As if having a three-kid-bridal-party wasn’t cute enough for me, it turns out that we are going to be an Aunt and Uncle! Mr. Porcupine's brother and sister-in-law are expecting, and the little guy will be 3 months by the time the wedding rolls around. This immediately brought me to dreams of babies in wagons (the ring bearer and flower girls range in age from 5-7 so I don't think they'd appreciate a wagon ride down the aisle).

Image via Libby James Blog / Photo by Sweet Caroline Photo

Photo by Flying Photography

Although the new little guy might be too teeny tiny for my wagon dreams, I can not wait for the adorable photos to be had.

Photo by Klose Photography

Image via Style Me Pretty / Photo by Kristin Vining Photography

Photo by Leslie Gilbert Photography

Having kids at your wedding isn't for everyone, but it works for us. We love visiting Mr. Porcupine's little cousins, and we're excited for them to take part in our day. We’re also really lucky that our venue is attached to a house. If they get tired or cranky they can go in the bride or groom dressing room to play games and nap. We still haven't decided if a babysitter is necessary. Since the kids attending the wedding live pretty far from most of Mr. Porcupine's family; I know there will be aunts, uncles, grandmas, and family friends willing to switch off supervising the kids throughout the night.

For some, kids are just an added headache, but we can't wait for them to take part in our big day.

Were kids at your wedding a must-have or a no-no?