Skyping with the Rabbi

The one annoying thing about planning a wedding that will take place 3 hours away is figuring out when to meet up with vendors. Since we’ve had a long engagement we were able to space out a few trips to get this done. We also made really good choices from our research, so we didn’t have to go back and forth a bunch of times to find people we wanted to work with. One trip per vendor worked for us to find the right people to work with.

The one thing that has proved more difficult is scheduling a meeting with our Rabbi. Since we don’t belong to a temple in New York, we easily decided on using the Rabbi at Mr. Porcupine’s parent’s temple in Pennsylvania. He marked our date off, we met with him briefly early on into our planning, and he told us we wouldn’t need to meet again until much closer to the big day. But, after two more short trips down to Pennsylvania without being able to coordinate schedules, our Rabbi suggested we have a meeting via Skype.

So, we downloaded Skype and used it for the first time to talk with our Rabbi. For some reason I find this hilarious. Granted our Rabbi is Reform. He's not the traditional Rabbi you might be picturing with a long beard and conservative dress. He's definitely a modern dude, but come on, having a Skype meeting with a Rabbi? There has to be a joke in there somewhere.

The meeting mostly consisted of sharing basic information about ourselves and discussing the different aspects of the ceremony. We spent an hour going over Ketubah options, parents’ names, what we’ll need to bring for the ceremony, etc. There were a few questions and tasks that left us with some work to do. For instance, my parents tracked down my Hebrew name that I had long forgotten. And, we both located some stand-in ring options, since in the Jewish tradition wedding bands have to be a single band not broken by anything (like the diamonds in my wedding ring and the lines etched into Mr. P’s). For the ceremony I will most likely use my mom’s ring, and Mr. P will use his grandma’s (unless they can find his grandfather’s). I just hope he can get the ring to even make it over his nailbed!

We were also given a homework assignment of questions that Mr. P and I have to fill out so that the Rabbi can put together a ceremony with a personal touch. It asks the basic questions such as how did we met and how did the proposal go. The catch is that we're not allowed to show each other our answers.

One of the questions asks for any personal stories about our relationship that we care to share. We have about 900 ridiculous stories we could mention. Or, we could go the traditional sweet approach with how much we have impacted each other’s lives. I haven’t decided what to share yet and I don’t know what I expect Mr. P to write. We're not a serious couple and I really enjoy funny, personalized ceremonies. I just can't think of the perfect story to share, but I do have a few months to dig into the recesses of my brain.

Did you meet with any of your vendors via Skype? Did your officiant personalize your wedding ceremony with a story? Should I stay true to us and go the funny route or serious it up for our wedding day?

Where do I stick the religion?

Mr. P and I are Jewish by birth. How we practice Judaism, however, doesn’t exactly fit nicely into a box that can be defined. We celebrate pertinent holidays, but sort of do it “our” way (maybe we break the Yom Kippur fast a little bit before sundown). Although I identity myself as being Jewish, it doesn’t hold a huge weight over my life. I would say I am more “spiritual” than anything else. I believe in some of the laws of Judaism. Others, I have a hard time putting myself behind. I believe there is SOMETHING out there, may it be God, Allah, or Aladdin- I don’t know. I also think there’s a place good people end up. It's too depressing for me to think there is nothing out there in that great beyond.

Regardless of my own religious opinion of things, there will be many Jewish traditions that will show up in our wedding. Mr. P grew up a little more “religious” then I did. He wasn't Orthodox, but was raised somewhere between Reform and Conservative. He didn’t live in a kosher home or strictly celebrate the Sabbath. But, he did go to Hebrew school, learn Hebrew, have a Bar Mitzvah, and quit it on the bread products during Passover. I grew up in a much more lax household. I didn’t want to go to Hebrew school as a kid so no one forced me to. I never learned Hebrew. I never had a Bat Mitzvah. On Hanukkah we added some "Christmas touches" (minus the tree, holly, and baby Jesus). Our family (still to this day) gets together, eats a big dinner with latkes, and exchanges a lot of presents that we unwrap together. There’s nothing really religious about the whole affair. It’s more like a good reason to get us all together.

To be honest, I don't know things that I “should.” I always had a vague understanding of Judaism. I know a lot more about the traditional aspects of Judaism than I do the religious ones. I never really thought about the religious side of how my wedding would go. I could honestly get married by a Justice of the Peace and be cool with it, but given Mr. P and our families' wishes I am on board with incorporating our faith. We will be getting married by a Rabbi, have a chuppah (a canopy you get married under) at our ceremony, and say the traditional blessings.

Recently I have been on a hunt for chuppah inspiration. A chuppah, in Jewish tradition, is a symbol of the home a couple will build together. It is simply four poles (or people) holding up a cloth that the couple gets married under. Traditionally a tallit (Jewish prayer shawl) can serve as the cloth covering. Being less traditional (and religious) I’ve been thinking of using some blue fabric draped over the top to incorporate our color palette. We have the necessary poles, which my future in-laws acquired from a couple that moved out of the area. They didn’t want to schlep their chuppah along with them. It is made up of four white birch “poles” in potted plants that our florist will fill with some branches and blooms.

A traditional chuppah in a temple ceremony
Via Wikipedia

Love the intertwined branches in this one

Image via The Glass Slipper By Blush / Photo by Cameron Ingalls

Super simple chuppah via Sukkahsoul

Closest to my idea via Clearwater-florida.olx.com

I still haven't quite figured out how to bring it all to fruition. I figure I need to get measurements of  the distance between the poles and get to a fabric store. I am a failure at anything involving sewing so I am hoping it comes together easier then I am imagining it will. At least the poles, which I would think are the most difficult part, are already set and ready to go.

Anyone have any chuppah-constructing tips? Anyone have a weird half-in/half-out relationship with your faith?