The Love/Hate Registry Conundrum

If there is one piece of advice I can give on registries, it would be: do NOT register anywhere until the last possible moment. A month before your bridal shower invites go out will do just fine. If you’re having an engagement party I would recommend making a “mini-registry” for it. Then go back and do a full out wedding registry later.

Seriously, I am not being a crazy rebellious bride. I speak from annoying experience. In the past five months more items have gone discontinued off our registries then I think we even registered for.

Mr. Porcupine and I decided to register at Crate and Barrel and Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Then, after subtle pressure from friends and family, we decided to register at Macy's too, since some people live, die, and swear by Macy's (and their wondrous sales.) I don’t blame anyone- Macy’s has kickass sales.

Mistake #1: Having more than two registries.

We started our "Registry Day" with a stop at Crate & Barrel. It was the first stop so we were bright and fresh.

Personal Photo

The store we went to is a pretty small location in Soho, so there wasn’t too much of a chance to get overwhelmed by the selection. I love everything in that store. It’s a sickness. Funny part is, I will probably end up deleting this registry and transferring everything over to Bed, Bath, and Beyond’s, because their crap is all the same! Why you ask? Because the HOLY GRAIL is starting a registry program. More on that later.

Then we were off to Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Mistake #2: Entering a flagship location to register.

Do NOT do this. DO NOT, I repeat, enter a flagship location and think you'll be able to leave without having a mental breakdown. Seriously, this was the worst idea. Also, the registry consultant was the bane of my existence. We had to handwrite out the registry information form. Then she had to enter everything into the computer to set us up. (Unlike Crate & Barrel where you do the computer entry yourself.) Can you talk about typos GALORE? This woman typed my password to the registry SO wrong, my last name wrong, and our wedding date wrong (as in it was off by about five months!) Thanks lady! She also kept us waiting for a literal half hour for the damn scanner (they were not crowded at the registry table) as she blundered around like a scatterbrain. Sorry, I really have no patience for incompetent people. This is my evil New Yorker head poking in. We’re in a recession people! There are plenty of intelligent people waiting to snatch up your job!

FINALLY, we got the scanner and walked around in blind confusion. Do we need this? Which brand is better? Did we register for this at Crate? Where am I? What the hell is this buttony cofangled gadget? Why are there 900 people in here at this very moment buying George Forman grills?

I started blindly zapping things anxious to be done. The place is HUGE. They also have every single invention in the universe stacked side-by-side like buddies. You see, I’m the type of nerd who sits for hours on the internet comparing reviews of gadgetry before I purchase anything. I hated blindly guessing, and knew when we got home I would have to go back and check reviews on everything. It didn’t take long for me to realize we needed to leave STAT.

Over the next week I fixed up the registries via the interwebs, and registered online at Macy’s for most of our linens/sheets and such. Three registries began to make me ill though. I started duplicating things like a dimwit. I had to go back and delete and update. Then things started going discontinued like mad. Don’t even get me started on what I’m sure will happen once the new year rolls through in a couple of months. We will probably have negative 80 items on the registries by then.

Tell me Bed, Bath, and Beyond, how is it that a BLENDER and an ELECTRONIC CORKSCREW OPENER, of all random items, goes out of stock/gets discontinued. AND, why can’t your system magically replace it with the new version 15.0? Oh, also, my vacuum that I laboriously researched went off into discontinued land. GAH! (I get it…. It’s actually the manufacturer’s fault, but whatever I need a scapegoat!)

I also recently found out that the Container Store is starting their registry program in October. Yes, THE HOLY GRAIL. (UPDATE: I just Googled it and it has officially begun!) I need EVERYTHING in the Container Store more than I need any more pots, pans, cups, or spoons. I go into the Container Store and get lost for hours. I once emerged and the seasons had changed.

So, moral of the story is: Wait to Register! Do not listen to your families’ pressure to register early. Just say no!

DISCLAIMER: No, I am not trying to be a give-me-gifts brat. I will gladly say thank you to anything people give me as a gift. Give me a damn toilet brush and I will be excited. But, registering is a HUGE freakin’-A deal around these parts. You must register or you are shunned from your family and friends for being difficult. I hate being shunned.

Anyone else hating on the registry process?

Perhaps We Should Invite the Guests

This might be a good time to start doing likeee actual stuff for the wedding, and perhaps stop whining. Since it seems, after all the vendors are booked, there are still several hundred things to do. One of those things would be invitations. Oh, you freakin’ expensive invitations, you. How I love/loathe you and your paper goodness. And, no, I do not think it is a good idea to subject myself to a “print yourself” or a “design yourself” venture. Mostly because I hate when I toss printers across the room- there are just too many pieces of plastic to pick up afterward.

Moving right along…. I’m still unsure if I want to go the full blown peacock route. Yes, that is our “theme” and all, but we also have a blue/green situation going on. Would a peacock invitation be peacock overkill? I’m trying to stay away from having the actual bird on anything. I just like the idea of the feathers. And, I could include a feather in a twine tied-up simple blue invitation. I don’t necessarily need the peacock feather imagery on it.

I originally thought “oh, I’ll just order from wedding paper divas or the like” because that’s cheap, right? WRONG. Those online invitation sites are cheapER, but certainly not cheap. I would say their prices are pretty standard if you don’t want to go ballz out with letterpress or other more expensive design options. They certainly do beat the prices of some of these invitation shops around New York. But, the savings are certainly not SO significant that I can go out and buy a new Coach tote with the difference. (I have not bought a new purse since getting engaged, 10 POINTS for ME!). My original idea of a budget for invitations was $300. Haha, oh pre-wedding planning Porcupine, you are fun-E.

The new plan is to keep it reasonable. I have a few options so far that I love (I say I and not we because Mr. Porcupine mostly will nod and agree to any invitation I show him).

Image via Wedding Paper Divas

Image via Wedding Paper Divas

Image via Wedding Paper Divas

Image via Wedding Paper Divas

Invitations by Little Spark Creations via Etsy

I love the last one the best for obvious peacock feather obsession reasons. I didn't originally want to go the pocketfold route. I feel like it's a little too formal for the rustic look we want for our wedding. I'm still on the fence on the whole thing. I can't order anything until I know our menu options after our November tasting, so I have a few more weeks to weeble wobble.

Anyone have a great invitation shop recommendation? Is a peacock invitation TOO much peacock?

Unsticking and Starting Our Life

Everyone says that getting married is all about "starting your life together." Well, truthfully, we started our life together three years ago when we moved in together. So, when we exchange those rings and say "I Do," I feel like there is something I need to embark on in order to "begin."

Mr. Porcupine and I have been living together for over three years in New York, and I grew up here. This has been the only home I’ve ever known, except for my college days which took place on the suburbs of New York. Even though we both want(ed) to live here, we are also kind of sick of it. As ridiculous as this may sound, I feel stuck in NYC. I know, I know- this must sound crazy/pompous/idiotic. Some people would do just about anything to live in this iconic city. But, like any place in the world, there are drawbacks. Being close to Broadway, the restaurants, the hustle and bustle, the parks, the people of every culture, and the “New York charm” come with negatives.

For one, I am so tired of being broke. Rent is high for a small amount of square feet, and owning here is out of the question for us because of the high price of real estate and property taxes. I just don’t want to pay (nor can we right now) 290k for 900 square feet and one bedroom (mind you that is not the cost of a PRIME neighborhood), knowing that you can get so much more for your money elsewhere. I am tired of overpriced groceries. I am done with rude people. People can be unbearably pushy and nasty on a daily basis. I will raise my hand and admit that I am like this A LOT, but 26 years of New York will do that to you.

Mr. Porcupine works in a sales job where he is face-to-face with grumpy New Yorkers every single day. It weighs on you when people are “all up in your grill” all day long blabbering nonsense. The subways are filthy. I don’t care if they run 24/7-they run poorly, look and smell disgusting, and go up in price constantly for sub-par service improvements. I recently sold my car because car insurance is astronomical here. The rat race gets down right sickening. Salaries are not up-to-par with the cost of living in this city (unless you are in a high paying field or more situated in your career) and jobs- like anywhere right now- are scarce and highly competitive.

I know, I know- so whiny. So, why don't you just go, you ask? The problem with leaving is that we don’t know even know WHERE to go. Mr. Porcupine and I know that we are exponentially lucky to both be working full-time jobs with full benefits in this economy. We do NOT take that for granted. As a couple we went through spurts of unemployment, both before living together and while living together. The worst of it was when Mr. Porcupine was out of work for 9 months during our FIRST year living together during the height of the recession. We weren’t engaged, and we were only together a little over a year. Times were not good. But, in the end, it made us stronger. Honestly, I am sure that situation would have broken a lot of couples. If we can get through that at the beginning of our relationship, I am pretty sure we can get through a lot more.

We don’t currently have the type of jobs that will transfer us to a new state. Mr. Porcupine wants to go to grad school and is leaning toward a school in the city. I’ve lived here so long that I am accustomed to having everything at my fingertips. How would I handle the culture shock of living elsewhere? Even the suburbs of New York gave me MAJOR culture shock when I went away to college. On top of all this, all of my family and all of our friends are here. Starting a brand new social circle is damn scary, even if you have each other.

We originally figured we’d live here until we are ready to start a family (not for about five years, sorry future grandparents!), but I am ready for more space, grass, and nicer people NOW. I know that like Miss Ladyfingers I am getting ahead of myself, but I can’t help it. (Maybe it’s a Bee ailment?) We’ve lived together for so long, that I don’t feel like we are “beginning” our life after the big day. We’ll just be going back to our apartment. Back to the same grumpy city. Back to the same routine.

Am I being crazy? (Probably). There is just something so anti-climatic about getting married and nothing changing. I know this is true for a lot of people. I also know that of all situations to be stuck-in, this one is pretty good. But, I can’t help being worn thin by New York and wanting a change after we're pronounced Mr. and Mrs.

Anyone else out there stuck?

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

Hive, I think I owe you a lot of updates on things that took place in a short span of time on a lot of things I left hanging.

For one, I babbled on about the story of how Mr. Porcupine got my engagement ring, but I didn’t show you all some pertinent picture evidence that it even exists. Also, my wedding band came in fairly quickly so here are both of those babies.

In person they look strikingly alike. You can’t tell that one is white gold and the other is platinum. I just need to get my engagement ring re-sized. We have to go to Baltimore to Smyth Jewelers to do this. If we get it sized elsewhere, it breaks our warranty. You see, my engagement ring is a size 5 1/2, even though I am really a 5 ¼. I’ve just sort of been making it work all this time. I ordered the wedding band in my actual size of 5 ¼, and the rings aren’t lying flush together. The engagement ring is sort of ballooning away from my finger noticeably. Who would have thought that a tiny little measurement difference like that would make such a blatant difference?

It’s all fine and good because we have two upcoming trips to PA, so we have two opportunities to hop on over to Baltimore to size my ring. We scheduled a menu-tasting which has helped a bunch with my wedding funkalunk. The tasting is actually on Mr. Porcupine’s birthday! So, we will turn a trip to PA into a wedding task/birthday extravaganza. If there is time we also will meet up with the Rabbi conducting our ceremony, and I might squeeze in a hair/make-up trial. If we can’t find the time I still have December.

Lastly, the rehearsal dinner problem is solved! Mr. Porcupine’s parents found a place. We will have the rehearsal dinner at the Press Room, which has a pretty unique "newspaper theme" to it. We’re not set on the menu yet, but the American-style food options sound great. Best of all it will fit our large group! I love that the party room is called the Publisher's Room, since I work in publishing. Now, let’s hope they don’t go out of business too!

The moral of the story is it all works out. Things start coming together whether or not you think they will. Sometimes it's best to just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

That Big White Dress

I debated over whether or not to post about THE dress. Mr. Porcupine reads all my blog posts, and he is just a bit too curious for his own good. So, Mr. Porcupine, I am probably sitting on the couch adjacent to you as you are reading this. Put down the laptop and walk away now, or I will not feed you dinner for the next month. ;)

**all photos are personal except for where it is noted

The second reason I was unsure about posting is that my dress story is pretty boring. I searched the interwebs for months before trying on my first dress. I went to only two stores. On the second visit the third or fourth dress was it. And, then, I was done...

I didn’t try on a single wedding dress for almost 6 months after getting engaged. Overall, I was dreading the task. I hate, hate, HATE dress shopping in general. My body is weird, and I always have a hard time finding a dress that fits me right. I’m usually a size 10 or 12, but since I’m short the length is ALWAYS wrong on me. I was also unsure about doing a traditional long gown. I was convinced it would dwarf me.

My internet search obsessions were as follows, in order of preference:

Image via Mori Lee

Image via Justin Alexander Bridal

Image via Justin Alexander Bridal

I obsessed over these dresses for what felt like forever. There were a few more in the mix, but these were the main contenders. I especially drooled over the Mori Lee gown with all of the intricate ruching.

Of course, the first shop I went to in New York had none of the dresses I had laboriously searched for. My mom and two of my bridesmaids that were along for the ride that day pulled some dresses similar to what I had printed out. I soon realized that the A-Line look I loved was indeed dwarfing me. I’m not even kidding when I say that the ratio between my knees and my ankles is ridiculously miniscule. The slight puff of the A-line was making me look like a little girl playing dress-up (and I plan on wearing flats or low heels because Mr. P is not that much taller than I am. I think I’m allowed 1 teeny vain bridal moment).

Nothing caught my eye except for one dress, the ever popular Adorae by Sottero and Midgley.

Yes, I’ve chopped my head off again due to my horribly wonky-eyed goober facial expression.

Everyone loved it, but I had a weird kind of feeling about it. I liked it the best out of everything else I tried on, but that wasn't saying much. It didn't feel like me. It felt way too glamorous for the rustic-chic feeling I want for our wedding. If I was having a different type of wedding then maybe it would have worked out. I also felt really hippy in it when I saw the photo of myself. Granted, this is the worst angle EVER to take a photo, but still a problem.

A few weeks later my mom, sister, and I were off to another shop. I pulled a bunch of random dresses that I hadn't previously noticed online. They didn’t have my Mori Lee obsession in stock, but I pulled a very similar dress hoping it would appease me. I tried on a few dresses that, again, just weren't doing it for me. I also tried on the awesome short Justin Alexander gown that I can’t wait to see Miss Kettle rock! Unfortunately, I’m way too short for the teacup length. And, then, I pulled on a simple WToo style that I had blindly grabbed off the racks.

Watters

I tried it on minus the flower, and my consultant quickly wrapped a sparkly belt around me. After the belt went on, I am not even exaggerating when I say, everyone in the shop stopped, stared, and started commenting on how that was MY dress. One girl approached me for the style number because she was off to another appointment, but had to try the dress on. It was completely bizarre and surreal. I am really NOT that girl. I never imagined I’d have a “this is the dress moment,” but I did!

I was a little hesitant to buy the dress without ever trying on my little Mori Lee baby. But my consultant was awesome. Earlier, I had tried on a very similar dress to my Mori Lee obsession, which I had hated on me. She assured me that the Mori Lee I had coveted was so similar that I would have the same reaction to it. I quickly realized she was right. Why turn away from a dress I clearly loved for a style that I continuously noticed wasn’t working for my body type?

The final product will look very different from the stock photo.  Along with the belt addition (which ironically is by Mori Lee), I plan on making the top dip into a sweetheart neckline. After the consultant assured me all these tweaks were completely possible I tried on a few veils. I chose one with a few rhinestones sewn into it, and about a half an hour later the store had my mom’s deposit! The best part is that the dress alone is under $1,000! The accessories and alterations will bump it up a little, but the price was exactly in the budget.

I managed to get one semi-decent photo of the dress, and a close-up of the belt that won me over.

I have no idea why I look tan here, but I hope that happens on my wedding day

Was your dress hunt easier than you anticipated it to be? Did you end up in a dress different from what you imagined?

Where do I stick the religion?

Mr. P and I are Jewish by birth. How we practice Judaism, however, doesn’t exactly fit nicely into a box that can be defined. We celebrate pertinent holidays, but sort of do it “our” way (maybe we break the Yom Kippur fast a little bit before sundown). Although I identity myself as being Jewish, it doesn’t hold a huge weight over my life. I would say I am more “spiritual” than anything else. I believe in some of the laws of Judaism. Others, I have a hard time putting myself behind. I believe there is SOMETHING out there, may it be God, Allah, or Aladdin- I don’t know. I also think there’s a place good people end up. It's too depressing for me to think there is nothing out there in that great beyond.

Regardless of my own religious opinion of things, there will be many Jewish traditions that will show up in our wedding. Mr. P grew up a little more “religious” then I did. He wasn't Orthodox, but was raised somewhere between Reform and Conservative. He didn’t live in a kosher home or strictly celebrate the Sabbath. But, he did go to Hebrew school, learn Hebrew, have a Bar Mitzvah, and quit it on the bread products during Passover. I grew up in a much more lax household. I didn’t want to go to Hebrew school as a kid so no one forced me to. I never learned Hebrew. I never had a Bat Mitzvah. On Hanukkah we added some "Christmas touches" (minus the tree, holly, and baby Jesus). Our family (still to this day) gets together, eats a big dinner with latkes, and exchanges a lot of presents that we unwrap together. There’s nothing really religious about the whole affair. It’s more like a good reason to get us all together.

To be honest, I don't know things that I “should.” I always had a vague understanding of Judaism. I know a lot more about the traditional aspects of Judaism than I do the religious ones. I never really thought about the religious side of how my wedding would go. I could honestly get married by a Justice of the Peace and be cool with it, but given Mr. P and our families' wishes I am on board with incorporating our faith. We will be getting married by a Rabbi, have a chuppah (a canopy you get married under) at our ceremony, and say the traditional blessings.

Recently I have been on a hunt for chuppah inspiration. A chuppah, in Jewish tradition, is a symbol of the home a couple will build together. It is simply four poles (or people) holding up a cloth that the couple gets married under. Traditionally a tallit (Jewish prayer shawl) can serve as the cloth covering. Being less traditional (and religious) I’ve been thinking of using some blue fabric draped over the top to incorporate our color palette. We have the necessary poles, which my future in-laws acquired from a couple that moved out of the area. They didn’t want to schlep their chuppah along with them. It is made up of four white birch “poles” in potted plants that our florist will fill with some branches and blooms.

A traditional chuppah in a temple ceremony
Via Wikipedia

Love the intertwined branches in this one

Image via The Glass Slipper By Blush / Photo by Cameron Ingalls

Super simple chuppah via Sukkahsoul

Closest to my idea via Clearwater-florida.olx.com

I still haven't quite figured out how to bring it all to fruition. I figure I need to get measurements of  the distance between the poles and get to a fabric store. I am a failure at anything involving sewing so I am hoping it comes together easier then I am imagining it will. At least the poles, which I would think are the most difficult part, are already set and ready to go.

Anyone have any chuppah-constructing tips? Anyone have a weird half-in/half-out relationship with your faith?

Soooo, how'd ya meet?

Everyone loves that question. Sooooo, how did ya meet? Mr. Porcupine and I used to get that a lot. Almost 5 years later, and that question has sort of worn off, but I'm sure you guys are wondering.

It was my junior year when we first "met." I had just left the first of many sorority rush events (*ahem* I mean "recruitment" since the word rush was banned from our school, yea...) and I was sweaty and disgusting. I remember our recruitment shirts that year- they were black and it was one of those hot September days that haven't yet realized that summer is over.  Me.No.Like. Hence our March wedding.

My roommate and I stopped to speak to one of our sorority sisters who was one of the RAs of her dorm. A few of her residents came downstairs, and a friend of hers brought his dog over. Mr. Porcupine was one of those residents. He and his roomie stood around petting the dog. We all introduced ourselves. Then, we left. That.was.it. Exciting, I know. Why in the name of Charlie Chaplin do I even remember this?

Fast forward a few weeks later and Mr. Porcupine's good (female) friend decided to pledge my sorority (*ahem* I mean, decided to go through the "new member orientation process".... pledge, another banned word). Said friend became my sorority little sister. Yes, I know if you weren't in a sorority this sounds plain ridiculous, but I swear it seemed completely normal at the time. Now, when I slip and call her Little, people are all like buhhhh what is this "little" you speak of?

After my little started "new member orienting," aka pledging, Mr. Porcupine started to basically act like a JERK to everyone in the sorority. He will vehemently deny this, but it's true! We were all convinced he was jealous that his bud was not around as much anymore. I immediately decided to dislike him and ignore him when we would pass each other in the Communications building of our campus. I was also very mature in college, did I mention that?

Soooooo, we did that for awhile.

**all pictures are personal photos

Said little (who is actually average person sized) with Mr. Porcupine and I after we got together

Fast forward 1.5 years and my little brings him to my senior year semi-formal as a guest (as a friend, not as a romantic interest or anything- no dramz here), and Mr. Porcupine ended up hanging out with me most of the evening.  Fast forward a few more months, and we ended up meeting up at our college's sacrilegious weekly Friday happy hour (and by college's I mean the bar's down the street where everyone from our school went). From there we started "dating" aka no one I know "dates" in college, you "hangout" because you're too broke to join the real world of dating (which apparently exists).

A month later, before I left for spring break with some sorority sisters, I asked him what was going on. Were we a "couple?" So we decided to make it official, and the rest, as they say, is history. Actually before history began I got a fever, threw up the entire night before leaving for Acapulco (great start to a relationship don't ya think... "helpppp, I'm violently puking"), and wanted to die the first few hours we landed in Mexico.

Our first real "couple photo" upon my return from Mexico

I graduated that May (Mr. Porcupine still had a year to go) and moved home, which was only 45 minutes from our school. We did the "semi-long distance" thing for a year, and then, after he graduated, got our first apartment together. Now we're up to our second place and planning our wedding (for 1 1/2 years)! My, how time flies, and then starts trolling extremely slowwwwwly.

Was your "how we met" story one for the books? Or, did it just sort of happen?