Thursday, January 12, 2012

It's not a wedding without some DRAMZ

People change and it sucks.

My philosophy on this has been to say, oh well, que sera. But, things get fishy when the person who is changing is someone you asked to be a bridesmaid.

She doesn’t know about this blog, but even if she did there’s absolutely nothing I could say here that she doesn’t already know or I haven’t already said to her. Hence my reasoning for writing about this out in the open instead of anonymously. I’m a pretty open person, and I’m sure there are a few of you battling a similar issue. So, no, I’m not trying to hang out my dirty laundry to dry, but I have no problem getting REAL.

When I asked this friend to be a bridesmaid, what feels like a century ago, I had no reason to think that things would change so drastically. I’ve known this particular bridesmaid- let’s call her “Mia” (for M.I.A. that is)- since high school. We stayed close through college and post-college, but somewhere between my engagement and hers things shifted.

Shortly before I got engaged Mia moved in with a new boyfriend and promptly disappeared off the planet. Yes, she was a busy person with work, a new relationship, and grad school, but I noticed a drastic change. There were no more dinner meet-ups or movie dates. Plans were broken more and more frequently, and phone calls dwindled. Yes, I’m guilty too. In her pull-back I’m sure I got annoyed and stopped extending invites. Then she got engaged, and although I was happy for her I soon learned that her wedding was going to happen the same day as my college suitemate’s (which I had already marked off on my calendar for quite some time). Even tougher she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Whose wedding was more important to me?

Without getting into too much personal detail, after not being included whatsoever in any wedding stuff (therefore I didn’t even feel like a bridesmaid), I will abbreviate what happened next by calling it “the shiz.” The shiz hit the fan, and I had a total change of heart. I no longer could completely justify missing my college suitemate’s wedding for Mia’s after the shiz went down. I was conflicted on where I wanted to be that day, and I still had a few months to go before the invites would go out. A combination of being pissed off, upset, confused, annoyed, etc. made me write a long email detailing how I felt after months of thought (literally, months). I express myself better in words than speech. I followed up with a phone call, and then more shiz hit the fan that delayed the conversation from happening. Mia then claimed she never received said-email, and I was forced to explain everything over the phone. I was nice, and my point was simply, “At this moment in time I can’t say whose wedding I need to attend, so I don’t think it’s right for me to commit to being a bridesmaid. I’m really sorry if you’re hurt, but obviously a lot has changed lately. If you don’t feel comfortable being a bridesmaid in my wedding, let me know, I understand.”

We have played text and phone-tag since. It’s been a month now without a word, and well, my wedding is something like 2 months away. I need an answer one way or the other. I really need her to pick up the phone when I call or respond to a text. Yes, she’s probably mad at this point. But, I’m mad too. So, who is rightfully mad? There’s no black or white answer.

I know it’s hard to gage a story when you leave out a huge block of information, but regardless “the shiz” that went down is irrelevant to the big picture. It involved years of build-up and back-story that are unrelated to the issue at hand, which is, where does one go from here when they have a bridesmaid in limbo? Do I chalk it up to her bowing out, and if she shows, she shows?

Has anyone else had a convoluted bridesmaid drama situation?

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