Shit People Say to Brides

For starters- this post is not meant to offend anyone who has said these things to me, continues to say these things to me, or says these things to themselves. This is satirical. But, I’ve definitely been asked these questions at least 52 times a piece. I’m also pretty sure I am guilty of saying this shit to brides as well. But, with the recent crop of “Shit XYZ people say” videos that I am incredibly obsessed with, it got me to thinking about all the shit people say to me as my wedding nears that I can’t wait to NOT hear people say. And, the answers I wish I could give if I was a jerk. I swear I'm not THAT much of a jerk.

•  Are you getting excited yet!?

“No, I am not getting excited YET. It hasn't kicked in YET. Excitement only comes but once a year, right? I am void of all emotion."

• How many days now?

“Too many more that include this question being asked of me, but let me check the count-down clock that resembles a pocket watch that I have hidden under the breast-pocket of my shirt." 

• It’s getting so close!

“Really? Well, an invitation is still not on its way to you.” 

• Can you send me the phone number of the hotel?

“No, but it is handy-dandily included in your invitation!!"

• Do you have your dress picked yet?

“For real? You think I don’t have a dress with a month to go after a year and a half engagement? Next question.”

•  But, you’re like done with everything, right?

“No, I am not done with EVERYTHING yet. You can not really be done with everything. Are you going to do all these little non-descript things for me? No. Next question."

• What, do you have left to do??

*Throws blackberry memo list at face*

• But, you have a wedding planner right???

“Go away.”

In all seriousness, the wedding is really close. We've been engaged a helluva long time. It doesn't really bother me much when I hear these same old questions from everyone and anyone, because, with a month to go, I feel a bit more like things are chugging along smoothly. Honestly, the weirdest question I have gotten lately is unrelated to my wedding. On my way to the gym the other day, a woman randomly blurted out to me. "Oh, are you a new mom!?" I just stared at her in a stupor. Good thing to tell a bride a month before her big day. Still trying to figure that puppy out.

What questions are you tired of hearing or amazed at people asking?