Monday, October 3, 2011

Unsticking and Starting Our Life

Everyone says that getting married is all about "starting your life together." Well, truthfully, we started our life together three years ago when we moved in together. So, when we exchange those rings and say "I Do," I feel like there is something I need to embark on in order to "begin."

Mr. Porcupine and I have been living together for over three years in New York, and I grew up here. This has been the only home I’ve ever known, except for my college days which took place on the suburbs of New York. Even though we both want(ed) to live here, we are also kind of sick of it. As ridiculous as this may sound, I feel stuck in NYC. I know, I know- this must sound crazy/pompous/idiotic. Some people would do just about anything to live in this iconic city. But, like any place in the world, there are drawbacks. Being close to Broadway, the restaurants, the hustle and bustle, the parks, the people of every culture, and the “New York charm” come with negatives.

For one, I am so tired of being broke. Rent is high for a small amount of square feet, and owning here is out of the question for us because of the high price of real estate and property taxes. I just don’t want to pay (nor can we right now) 290k for 900 square feet and one bedroom (mind you that is not the cost of a PRIME neighborhood), knowing that you can get so much more for your money elsewhere. I am tired of overpriced groceries. I am done with rude people. People can be unbearably pushy and nasty on a daily basis. I will raise my hand and admit that I am like this A LOT, but 26 years of New York will do that to you.

Mr. Porcupine works in a sales job where he is face-to-face with grumpy New Yorkers every single day. It weighs on you when people are “all up in your grill” all day long blabbering nonsense. The subways are filthy. I don’t care if they run 24/7-they run poorly, look and smell disgusting, and go up in price constantly for sub-par service improvements. I recently sold my car because car insurance is astronomical here. The rat race gets down right sickening. Salaries are not up-to-par with the cost of living in this city (unless you are in a high paying field or more situated in your career) and jobs- like anywhere right now- are scarce and highly competitive.

I know, I know- so whiny. So, why don't you just go, you ask? The problem with leaving is that we don’t know even know WHERE to go. Mr. Porcupine and I know that we are exponentially lucky to both be working full-time jobs with full benefits in this economy. We do NOT take that for granted. As a couple we went through spurts of unemployment, both before living together and while living together. The worst of it was when Mr. Porcupine was out of work for 9 months during our FIRST year living together during the height of the recession. We weren’t engaged, and we were only together a little over a year. Times were not good. But, in the end, it made us stronger. Honestly, I am sure that situation would have broken a lot of couples. If we can get through that at the beginning of our relationship, I am pretty sure we can get through a lot more.

We don’t currently have the type of jobs that will transfer us to a new state. Mr. Porcupine wants to go to grad school and is leaning toward a school in the city. I’ve lived here so long that I am accustomed to having everything at my fingertips. How would I handle the culture shock of living elsewhere? Even the suburbs of New York gave me MAJOR culture shock when I went away to college. On top of all this, all of my family and all of our friends are here. Starting a brand new social circle is damn scary, even if you have each other.

We originally figured we’d live here until we are ready to start a family (not for about five years, sorry future grandparents!), but I am ready for more space, grass, and nicer people NOW. I know that like Miss Ladyfingers I am getting ahead of myself, but I can’t help it. (Maybe it’s a Bee ailment?) We’ve lived together for so long, that I don’t feel like we are “beginning” our life after the big day. We’ll just be going back to our apartment. Back to the same grumpy city. Back to the same routine.

Am I being crazy? (Probably). There is just something so anti-climatic about getting married and nothing changing. I know this is true for a lot of people. I also know that of all situations to be stuck-in, this one is pretty good. But, I can’t help being worn thin by New York and wanting a change after we're pronounced Mr. and Mrs.

Anyone else out there stuck?

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